How to De-escalate a Confrontation and Know When to Leave

Mind4Survival outlines how to defuse a heated confrontation, from reading the kind of anger involved to knowing when to leave.

Snapshot

Mind4Survival covers how to tell emotional anger that can be talked down from predatory aggression, how to stand and speak to lower tension, which words and behaviors to avoid, and how to give the other person a way out. Its bottom line is that the urge to win, including your own, often sinks de-escalation, so the author advises walking away when talking fails while staying ready to act.

Key points

• Kinds of anger: The author separates emotional anger, which can often be talked down by listening, from predatory aggression, where talking accomplishes little and he advises backing away.
• Distance and posture: Stay outside arm's reach, face the person at a slight angle, keep open hands visible above the waist, and note two exits.
• Words: Speak slower and lower with short sentences, and avoid saying "calm down." The article offers TACOS: don't threaten, argue, challenge, order or shame.
• Exit: Give the other person a way to back down, and if talking fails, leave without turning your back.
• Legal note: The author says threats can hurt a self-defense claim, and states he is not an attorney.

Quick take

Mind4Survival argues that de-escalation often fails because someone needs to win, and that includes you. It also advises being ready to act physically if the other person escalates.

Read the full story at Mind4Survival.