It’s the weekend, and you decide to have a drink to end the day. You head to your secret stash and reach for your favorite bottle. You pour a glass and savor your libation as the evening fades. This familiar ritual plays out around the world every day. Most people who indulge in this tradition choose mainstream beverages like whiskey, wine, or tequila. Yet, the world of spirits is far more diverse and eccentric than most realize. Some drinks will simply make you wonder, “What the hell?” With that in mind, let’s take a quick journey across the globe and discover some of the world’s more intriguing, unconventional brews.
Strange Brews – Buckle Up
I suggest you read this with a settled stomach and a willingness to laugh off some oddities of the booze realm. With that, hop on the train and let’s roll.
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Kazakhstan Stomach Turner
Our first stop is Kazakhstan. The indigenous people of that region, called the Botai, were masters of horsemanship and tamed wild horses more than 5,000 years ago. Horses were such an integral part of their culture that they even created an alcoholic drink involving them. Their beverage is called kumis, made from the fermented milk of domesticated mares.
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The milk from these horses is naturally high in sugar, which aids the process. In fact, there is nothing more to kumis besides mare’s milk. These Mongolian nomads simply churned horse milk in vats, much like butter, until the milk acidified, and yeasts produced alcoholic carbonation. People then transported the liquid in leather bags, often hanging them where passersby could easily punch the sack to keep the kumis agitated. People outside this culture who have tasted kumis say it is like “Champagne mixed with sour cream.” So, if you are ever in the region and are feeling adventurous, give kumis a try.
Weird Hong Kong
We continue our trip on the crazy booze train and take a stop in Hong Kong. And you better buckle up because it is about to get weird. Yes, weirder than horse milk booze. One of the more interesting beverages you can enjoy in Hong Kong is snake wine. This odd wine is made by putting an entire snake into a jar of rice wine or another grain alcohol. In many cases, the snake is inserted while still alive. The odd concoction is then left to ferment for several months. In some cases, herbs and spices such as ginseng are added to the formula.
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Chinese snake wine has been around since the Western Zhou dynasty (1046-771 BC) and is traditionally considered a medicinal liquor. You are probably asking the same question I did. Is it safe to drink something made from a venomous snake? The official line is that it is safe to drink because the ethanol in the rice wine denatures the snake’s venom. Snake wine is found beyond Hong Kong as well. When researching this piece, a friend shared that he had tried it while in Vietnam. When I asked about the experience, his eyes watered, and he stared off into the distance like he was remembering a deeply felt trauma. He then said, “Words cannot describe it, and you need to experience it yourself.”
WTH Korea?
While we are in Asia, let’s visit our friends in South Korea. Here in the land of K-pop and kimchee, we are introduced to Tuna Tears Soju. Now, soju is a common rice wine found in Korea and is actually tasty. This version, however, takes a very different turn. For this drink, the barkeep will mash a tuna eye and pour the fluid into the soju. The end result is a rice wine with a jelly-like viscosity. Tuna eye is a delicacy in Asian culture, and including it in a drink probably makes sense to them. At least it has some health benefits, as fish eyes are high in vitamin E. I am an adventurous person, but this one is a hard pass for me. If you ever get the chance to give it a spin, let me know what you think.
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Chinese Medicine?
We’re steering the train north now and heading into mainland China. One of the better-known aspects of China is its reliance on and belief in natural treatments for illness. From specific herbs to help with this or that to complex tonics to fight disease, they have it all. Not widely known is that the Chinese have merged medicine with booze and created Baby Mice Wine.
This wine is exactly what it sounds like. The makers of this questionable beverage take three-day-old baby mice and place them in a bottle of rice wine, where they are left to steep for 1 to 2 years. This mixture traditionally was seen as an almost magical potion. People believe it can cure just about any ailment, from asthma to liver disorders. The taste has been likened to gasoline, which I would honestly prefer. I realize it is a culturally driven drink, but this is on my list of hell no.
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Not a Chance in Hell China
While we are in China, we will head over to Shanghai, situated on the central coast, as China’s biggest city and a global financial hub. Blending the modern world and ancient Chinese culture, Shanghai offers one of the most bizarre beverages I discovered: Tezhi Sanbian Jiu, or “Three-Penis Liquor.” Yes, you read that correctly. Made by brewing seal penis, deer penis, and Cantonese dog penis, it is a Chinese rice wine also used as traditional medicine, believed to impart male potency and virility. This isn’t some backroom deer penis moonshine either—bottles of this questionable fluid can be found at supermarkets across Shanghai. On that note, I think it’s time we leave China and seek other interesting beverages.
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Icelandic Craft Beer Gone Horribly Wrong
For our last stop, we are going North. I mean, really, North—all the way up to Iceland. This is a beautiful place that serves as a backdrop for epic motion pictures and ice. Here we will visit the Stedji Brewery to get a look at a unique seasonal beer called Hvalur. Unlike our craft beers here in the U.S., this brew is made with a whale testicle that’s been smoked in sheep’s dung. The brewery makes the beer using traditional Icelandic methods.
There are no trees on this giant volcanic island, so they use dry sheep’s dung to smoke the whale testicle for an extended period. The process includes one testicle from a fin whale, which averages 15-18 pounds. They add in their own proprietary blend of hops, malted barley, and pure Icelandic water. While I do not intend to disparage this beverage, I do find myself wondering how this was ever thought of.
And Now the Arctic – What Could Go Wrong?
While we are in the Arctic, we need to talk about one last drink. This one was created by the Inuit people and is certain to make you scratch your head. Just when you thought we were done with dead animal booze, I would like to introduce you to Seagull Wine. There is no magic here, and the name says it all. You put a dead seagull into a bottle, fill it with water, and leave it in the sun until it has fermented. In my research, a summary of the wine was that it was a “powerful booze with top notes of dead seagull and base notes of regret.”
Another person had an equally vivid description and said, “If you opened up a Toyota’s Carburetor and drank the leftover fluid from inside, that would be pretty close. It goes down hard and settles in even worse.” The wine apparently has the power to get people inebriated quickly, which I guess is a good thing if you want to forget what you are drinking. The hangover is epic, however, and has been described as “you’ll feel like you’ve been repeatedly beaten over the head by a giant…well, seagull.”
Strange Brews for Sure
The moral of the story is that people will go to great lengths to make booze. Sometimes it is considered dual-purpose, such as Chinese medicine. Other times, it’s just joy juice. I imagine there are countless other interesting adult beverages around the world that I missed, but I also believe I have seen enough. I think I will just sit myself down here in the corner and sip on my simple single malt scotch and try not to think about what some other people are drinking.
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