How to De-Escalate a Dangerous Situation Effectively

You are pulling into the local mega-mart and grab a parking spot up front. As you exit your car, however, you are confronted by a man screaming at you. He claims you “stole” his parking spot, and his anger is evident. He is showing all of the physical signs of being potentially violent. His fists are clenched, his motions are exaggerated, and his face is flushed. You quickly survey your surroundings for any law enforcement and to gauge your position. You make a quick mental inventory of your EDC gear, and your gun is at the top of the list.

How to De-Escalate a Dangerous Situation – A Warriors Skill

All of this is preparation for what could become a violent encounter. The perception is that this is happening at warp speed, while your mind tries to stay centered. The worst-case scenario is that the situation turns violent and you potentially end up drawing your gun to end the fight. Understand that if it does turn hyperviolent, you should indeed do what you have to do to stay alive. However, it is important to develop a set of tools to help you avoid this possibility. One of those tools is de-escalation. Let’s take a moment and look at five core skills that can help you de-escalate a potentially dangerous situation.

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How to De-Escalate a Dangerous Situation

Stay Calm

There is a Japanese martial arts phrase that applies perfectly to this. It is Dochu no sei, and it means “calmness in action”. Keeping a cool head is critical in this situation. Falling into emotions or panic can lead to danger. You will undoubtedly be shaken and possibly angered by the confrontation, but it is important to let all of that go. In situations like this, I encourage you to see the person as a child throwing a tantrum. Not to belittle them, but to put their behavior into perspective. They are acting on pure emotion with little intellectual consideration.

Connect

This skill is one of the best on our list. I say that because it is effective in situations far beyond threats. The ability to find common ground is a skill that will serve you in all aspects of life. In this scenario, the common ground is a lack of parking spaces. I would say something such as “Sorry about that, I did not see you waiting for the spot. This parking lot is a disaster when it comes to spots”. He is angry with you because he was experiencing just that – a lack of good parking options. By sharing this point with him, you now have something in common.

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Redirect

At this point, we need to redirect his anger from you. We can do that by introducing a new factor into the conversation. A good place may be their vehicle. “Hey man, that is a nice truck. What year is it? I’m thinking about getting a truck. What is the best one?” People love to be asked their opinions as it makes them feel good. This is a good way to turn the conversation away from conflict.

Offer a Solution

Now that we have some of the steam out of the situation, we need to offer a solution. This is also where we need to park our ego. We do not know what is going on in this person’s life that would lead him to such behavior. While he may be just a jerk, he may also be at the end of his rope with a million tough things going on. It is always preferable to take the high road in all situations. By offering to move so he can have the spot, you leave nothing to be angry about. This can be tough because you will probably be a little upset yourself. We do not like to be challenged like this and do not take aggression well. In a deeper sense, though, we should take the path of a warrior and avoid conflict whenever possible.

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Escape

It is now time to break contact with this angry gentleman. Even if your de-escalation skills were spot on, it is still best to give them a wide berth. Once again, we do not know what caused their cork to pop, and we can not be certain it could happen again. If at all possible, I would leave the mega-mart visit for another time or head to another one. This is not because I am “running from a fight”. It is because I understand the nature of conflict and violence.

Having the ability to diffuse a fight before it happens is a warrior’s skill. Do not let yourself get consumed with ego or anger. While we do not want to be condescending, we need to realize that we are better than this. We also need to remember that violence should be a last resort.

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