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It’s hard to believe that 2025 is already 1/12 complete. We survived the transition from an incoherent placeholder presidency to the new America and a new president. We endured the global cooling, oops, warming, that brought snow to Florida and Texas and 11-degree mornings to north Georgia.
January didn’t stop there. It featured the terrifying nightmare of a Dunkin’ Donuts shortage and the media freakout over the renaming of the Gulf of Mexico into the Gulf of America. Along the way, the world kept getting crazier. Like always, the press led the way. Here are some of the craziest stories from the month gone by:
New media watch out
Lefty Washington Post columnist Jennifer Rubin announced she is joining the mass exodus from the paper and starting a new venture called The Contrarian. (She hasn’t been contrary to the major media in years.) She posted a short (Thank, God!) video with partner Norm Eisen, a CNN legal analyst. The video was widely panned as “cringe” and depicted the pair claiming their new outlet would be “an exciting new online platform.” That was said with all the passion you get watching milk curdle.
Eisen added, “[B]ut we know that any successful, pro-democracy movement also has to be very vocal about culture.” He promised a cooking column, “but we’re gonna sprinkle in a little bit of pro-democracy flavor.” NeverTrump cooking lessons. Yum!
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It was like watching a mixture of an old-school “Saturday Night Live” skit overlaid with the berserk, faux sincerity of NPR. If you were making a video to make fun of them, it wouldn’t have been this hilarious.
Don’t quote me
The White House exes – both President Joe Biden and Vice President Kamala Harris – reminded voters of what fun we missed with four more years of either candidate. Biden, who delivered word mush for many years before the press was forced to admit it, couldn’t handle the difficult challenge of singing… “Happy Birthday.”
The former prez who, at 82, has presumably heard the song a few times, still flubbed it. Apparently, he couldn’t remember the name of the young guest named Alicio. When it came time to muster the name, Biden just drifted off into Mumble City. The only thing the video lacked was Alicio going all Walter White and telling Biden, “Say my name.”
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Not to be outdone, Harris couldn’t even muster the “Pledge of Allegiance.” She’s old enough at 60 to have attended school when teachers still taught it, before the left wrecked American education. Didn’t matter. Even though she urged the Senate to “join me in pledging allegiance to our flag,” she forgot the flag as soon as she started. “To the flag” are words four through six of the pledge, except when leftists say it.
Let’s just call that flagging patriotism.
Running out of dough
Dunkin’ (Formerly Dunkin’ Donuts), one of America’s premier sugar-delivery operations, ran out of… doughnuts (The correct spelling, for the marketing folks at Dunkin’.) Outages were reported in New Mexico and Nebraska. Corporate said just 4% of the stores ran out, except Dunkin’ has 9,500 stores. So, nearly 400 stores had no doughnuts and no donuts.
Speaking for the doughnut-eating (and Dunkin’-loving) citizens of the world. Do better. Don’t make us find another location to spend our dough – or buy it.
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It’s springtime for…
Longtime readers know my favorite movie is the original “Producers.” It’s an incredible comedy that makes fun of Nazis. And now, thanks to entrepreneur Elon Musk and the laughably leftist media, the movie is current events.
Musk, with his characteristic, socially awkward introversion, gave his heart to the crowd at a Trump gathering, thrusting his hand into the air. The media swarmed, creating the first viral, phony controversy of the Trump Two era. Even the far left Anti-Defamation League, which bashes Nazis for a living, said it wasn’t a Nazi salute. Didn’t matter. An enormous number of so-called news outlets pretended it was.
Wonder how many of those making this phony claim are still driving their Teslas.
Legally blind
Justice is blind, they say. It’s also pretty stupid. Reese Witherspoon, star of the epic legal comedy “Legally Blonde” and its pathetic sequel, ended up on jury duty. Kudos to her for refusing to dodge her civic duty. But she wasn’t the problem.
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Witherspoon revealed on the “Graham Norton Show” that the other jurors “unanimously” chose her as foreman. Why? Because they thought she had gone to law school, because of a movie. OK, admittedly it was Beverly Hills, so intellect generally not required. Except they make the movies nearby. One might think they’d know what actors do.
When the manure hits the fan
Say the word Peta and people worldwide think of the most-annoying group of Karens imaginable, the kind who work for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. What better way to end than to say the group is full of… manure.
A pair of Peta poo promoters tried to dump a truckload of manure on the headquarters of their competitors – the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, or ASPCA. Only the manure managers at Peta had their heads in their… truck so far that they forgot manure freezes. And they tried the dumping during the peak cold front in Manhattan.
The result showed a frustrated Peta person digging the manure out of the truck bed like he had been cast in some disturbing remake of “Frozen.” New York’s finest locked him and his partner up, while most of the manure stayed lodged in the truck.
I guess it’s true, a mind is a terrible thing to waste.
CLICK HERE TO READ MORE FROM DAN GAINOR
